Few days to valentine and I got raped "Say no to RAPE"

Editor’s note: This is a true life story of one of my followers that pleaded to be anonymous. She decided to let her story out after reading Rape & Few Underlying Issues. Ladies who have been subjected to various and similar violences should please endeavour to speak out and seek for help, it is NOT your fault that you were raped) @AAABORODE

My life hasn’t been the same since that unfortunate incident, If only I had known where things were headed I wouldn’t have let  it happen. I would have fought with my last breadth.

It was few weeks to valentine’s day and there was this hype going on in school about getting a date, as a ‘fresher’ I wanted to feel among and blend. Not getting one meant I didn’t belong at all. So I made up my mind to get one, not through any funny means but just had the feeling I was going to get.

I met Ade at a friend’s place, although I had been introduced to him earlier by a close friend a while back, you know those girls that date guys because of money and sex? Yeah, that was Abimbola my friend, she introduced Ade to me as her boyfriend. I knew she didn’t mean it so I didn’t bother taking their relationship seriously.

Ade was in 300-Level and also in my department, we met again one Saturday after lectures, I was about leaving class when someone called my name, I turned to see who it was and found out it was Ade. We exchanged usual pleasantries and got talking, he walked me to the popular school cafeteria and treated me to lunch.

He told me he knew everything about me, he gave me all the ’411′ (i.e data) I didn’t think anyone would have about me. I was shocked as well as impressed. I started blushing knowing Ade was one of the “hottest guys” on campus and he practically stalked me to get all my data. I told him I had to go and he made me promise to see him the next day and I agreed.

We met the next day off campus in an eatery, he asked if I knew why he dated Abimbola, I said I didn’t, he told me he dated her just to get close to me. As a naïve “Fresher”, I fell for the story, hook line and sinker! He went on and on about how he’s been praying for the day he was going to finally talk to me.

He started “setting my P” and I couldn’t help but blush all through. While we were having this conversion I sighted my cousin Labisi. I introduced them and apparently Ade knew her, Labisi is another “happening babe”. Labisi asked Ade to excuse me that she wanted to tell me something, Labisi and I went outside the eatery, she asked what I was doing with Ade and I told her he was asking me out. She told me to be careful.
“You really need to be careful cuz, Ade is a sharp guy, don’t let him sweet-tongue you” Labisi said “I’ve heard ma” I said jokingly “But why did you say that?” I asked “I know how naïve you are sweetie, just be careful” Labisi said.

To cut the long story short I and Ade continued to be great friends. We shared everything together. We got 2 weeks break in school and I was preparing to go home when Ade called me.
“I don’t want you to go home” he said
“Why?” I asked laughing
“I’ll miss you” he said silently.
I smiled and told him I was going to use just one week at home and spend the next in school.

On getting home, I got the most shocking news of my life, my parents were separating, they had been dragging it for a while and were waiting for me to come home so I could be informed. I was devastated, I couldn’t believe what was happening, it was a terrible one-week for me back at home and I just needed to get away.

I got back to school the following week and told Ade everything. I needed all the attention I could get and Ade was there to give me all that. He showered me with so much love and attention. He told me how much he loved me and I told him I felt the same way as well and we started dating. I was no longer worried about the valentine buzz in school anymore, I didn’t even care, I was in love and that was all that mattered.

On a sunny Wednesday afternoon, few days to Valentine’s day, I received a call while studying in the library, I thought it was Ade that wanted to meet me in Toye’s place (a friend of Ade and I) and I promised to come see him in the afternoon. After studying, I left for Toye’s place to see Ade (but somehow he claimed he didn’t make that call and I am yet to know the caller till date).

I received a call from my mum while I was with him, she asked where I was, even when I knew I  sounded suspicious, I still managed to hide it a little bit but as a sharp girl I lied. Little did I know what fate had in store for me. My mum asked me to leave where I was and go home. I told her I was leaving but I didn’t. Toye told us he wanted to go watch a movie in the sitting room and then left me with Ade alone in the room.

As I was with Ade, he wanted to make out, I declined but he insisted, to stop him from bothering me more I kissed him, but he wasn’t satisfied he wanted to hit base.
I refused and told him I was still a virgin but he wouldn’t believe me. He thought I was like the other girls he had been with. He started touching me, I resisted but he told me he just wanted to touch me, I loved him so I believed him.

I couldn’t have been more naïve. Even while I was scared, I still trusted him, he got up to get a condom, I asked him wat he needed the condom for, he said he just wanted to wear it, in case he ejaculated while touching me (Yes I was that dumb!). The touching didn’t go below my boobs and I am quite busty. He was reaching for my jean zipper and I tried to stop him.

I pushed and shoved but he was stronger, I begged him with the name of God, his parents, everything I could think of  but he wouldn’t listen, he weakened my arms with his grip, I kept punching him helplessly, panting so fast, the doors where locked right from when Toye left all for ‘privacy’. I cried and cried but he wouldn’t listen, I screamed and screamed and no one could come to my rescue.

He pulled my panties down, I kept shifting and moving under his weight, but  he got me locked down. Right there I knew I had lost the case, he was going to do it against my will and I will be blamed for walking my ass over. Suddenly, I felt it, all through my body to my head, I felt it, that hard shove,like a huge metal was trying to find it’s way into me. I screamed in agony, he gave a second thrust and he pierced my hymen! I lost it! Yes, I lost it forever!

He stood up after he sighted d blood. He knelt down immediately and started begging me, I was in a mad rage. Anger,fear and so many other emotions piled up inside me. It was all over me, I was crying in anger, shame and sorrow. I cried my life out right there in front of him, I pinched,punched and bit him. I was almost running mad. I couldn’t believe or accept what had just happened to me.

It felt like a Nollywood movie, in just few seconds my pride and dignity was crushed! I summoned courage, went to the bathroom to clean up, adjusted my clothes, and struggled out because I couldn’t walk properly. Toye was in the sitting room when all these happened. I was sure he heard everything that happened. I felt betrayed,hurt and disappointed, not at anyone else but myself. I was angry at the world, myself and everyone.

On getting home, I called my cousin Labisi, I told her what happened. She went with her friends to go disgrace him at his crib, but that didn’t solve the problem, the damage had been done. I was stained and tainted for my husband or whoever was to have me. That wasn’t the way I planned to lose my virginity. I had imagined it in a room filled with candles, a romantic music playing quietly at the background and above all on my wedding night.

I never knew fate was having a laugh at my imagination. So much for my wishful thinking. Right now, I trust no one, not even my dad who happens to be the only male I cherish most in my life right now. I get suspicious of everyone around me even when I know clearly that they mean know harm or don’t pose a threat.

Every time valentine’s day approaches I get so  moody, sad and angry because it meant another anniversary of that accursed day. I still see Ade around. His sight creates hate and disgust in me, I imagine him being strucked down by something. Somehow he still hasn’t graduated and he has an extra year to go, which means we will be graduating together. Karma is a bitch I think.

I am not who I was or who I want to be anymore but I know I will be fine. I have got lovely friends and a wonderful family. I just pray I meet a wonderful man that proves me wrong about my feelings for the male specie, because right now, they scare me, all I know is they are ruthless, cruel and very heartless!

I curse(d) the day I met Ade. He spurned me on a path I wasn’t ready to thread at the age of 17. Now I feel empty almost everyday and I feel ridiculously worthless. I don’t know about anyone else but I feel men that rape women should die a very slow death and they should have their testicles crushed before life goes out of them! This is my story of a very unfortunate event. If only I knew…

By Anon

TO BE FAITHFUL, LOYAL AND HONEST

I pledge to Nigeria my country, to be faithful, loyal and honest. A sentence in our beloved National Anthem, asides the politicians who have not been faithful, loyal and honest with its citizens, I must say that 70% of the politicians consist of MEN. I am not here to bore you with politics. I needed to give you an insight before moving the motion that 70% of men in Nigeria are not faithful, 80% are not loyal and probably 90% are not honest. It was not easy accepting this fact, but it’s a fact that men are capable of these qualities mentioned.

Alexis said to me while having a conversation that; Some of us don’t even need your money! Common loyalty, no cheating or side tracking you folks can’t do. In short you people are not worth being served noodles and egg, you people can manage Gala and water, lacasera for you guys is even expensive. I thought of what Alexis said and I stared in amazement and for a while, I was lost, then swiftly I recovered myself. I was in a discussion with this lady about how women of these days don’t know how to take care of their men unlike their mothers did and are still doing to their fathers.

Little did I know I sought for trouble, like dynamite Alexis exploded and started giving me some facts, the reasons and rationale behind her burst? I saw reasons with her but being a man who naturally has ego, I refused to admit. Alexis made mention that she was on sabbatical leave, i.e. NO MAN FOR NOW. Then I began explaining and narrating to her that “A man can be faithful and not be loyal”, he can also be loyal and not be faithful. He can even be faithful, loyal and not be honest. Confusing right? I will shed some light on it in my own little understanding, but before that, if you find a man who is FAITHFUL, LOYAL and HONEST, my advice is you do everything both spiritual and physical to hold him tight like a well screwed socket attached to a wall. Briefly I will go through them a little.

Webster dictionary defined the word faithful as a form of adherence to promises or in observance of duty, given with strong assurance to a person or cause. Now, how many men keep their promises? That’s why I as a person I don’t make promises. If I eventually make one I try all in my power to keep it. Sincerely I don’t make promises, because to me it’s a debt or obligation you have to fulfil if you are a man of your words. How many of our men assure their women regularly or constantly? This is another topic for another day because it is vast.

Encarta dictionary defined loyalty as a feeling of devotion, duty, or attachment to somebody or something, a state of having that quality. Yes being loyal has a bit of faithfulness, but there is more to it than meets the eye. i.e. being faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due. Firmly in alliance to somebody or something e.g. man’s best friend (A dog) has these qualities. They are always there when you need them, even when absent, just a whistle and there they are. Some ladies know quite all right that most guys are not faithful but they don’t bother as long as he is loyal to their cause. Some mistake faithfulness for loyalty and some would even argue it out. My purpose is not to debate it, but there is a slight difference between both words, hence, we have been fooled for many years while reciting the national anthem of Nigeria. I would have loved to explain further but my limits in words would not permit. Women need loyalty in their men.

Honestly when you are honest, it is less stressful relating with not only the opposite sex but with same sex generally. You need not keep records of what you said or the excuse or explanation you made on different occasions when you were accused by your woman. If you are honest, she would not doubt you even when the past comes calling; she would remember all what you said. The truth is ladies are moved by what they hear, so they keep records, we don’t. Even when you forget, they won’t. The incident that happened 10 years ago they still keep in their memories like a cam coder. Who says women are dull? They have retentive memories; they just pretend not to remember till your cup gets filled. That’s another discussion for another day.

In a nut shell we men usually say women are this and they are that. We tend to forget that our actions towards them, sparks a chain reaction in them. That if, men could be faithful, loyal and honest, the women will adhere strictly to them too. THOU SHALL NOT HIDE SECRETS ! It might come back to hunt you I am not a counselor, nor a Professor in women dynamics, neither am I a Minister for women affairs. But maybe, just maybe if we recite these words like an anthem and paste them in our head and heart, singing and humming these words “TO BE FAITHFUL, LOYAL AND HONEST”. We just might be better off. Kindly drop your comments and observations below. God bless.

N.B : Alexis permitted I used her name while writing this article. Thanks to her I wouldn’t have written this article. It is non-fiction.
@princeyemimike

GREED IN EVERY MAN

  
 

When you are in your country, all you see is people that travel abroad and made it. When you eventually travel out, what you see is people that stayed back home and made lots of fortune for themselves. When we stay at home without a job, all we see is people working 7 am to 7pm everyday and we want be like them. When we eventually get a job we will be the ones monitoring the calendar to know when we would get the next public holiday so we could sit at home again. When I was two, all i wanted was be like my 22year old uncle so that I could drive, take alcohol; come home late and so on. Now, I'm an adult and I wish I could be a child again.
When you are single, all you see is happy couples, and when you are in a relationship, all you see is happy singles . No matter who you are, we are all guilty of what the YORUBAS call 'OJUKOKORO' offense . Truly, Possessions are usually diminished by possession.

When you are discontent, you always want more, more and more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, 'Oh yes - I already have everything that I really need.' But when will I see that happen?. Definitely not in my generation. we are all greedy, even when we claim we are not. The son of man is 'greedy by nature'

80% of peeps cant stay in a relationship without cheating. It is when you start going out with George that you’ll realise that he doesn’t have ‘six packs’ and you start looking at that guy next door with six packs. It is still the ‘ojukokoro’ we are talking about. Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not. It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.

Funny enough, we don't really need so much to live a very good life. The people living the best life are not the billionaires of this world. Many people loose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness. Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty. Read the last line again.

When I was growing up, I had a dream that one day Americans and people from around the world will play 'Nigerian Visa Lottery' to gain Nigeria citizenship but as I grew the dream kept diminishing because the ‘ojukokoro’ of our government officials is on the high side that the money and resources that is supposed to make my dream become a reality is mismanaged. In our daily life, we encounter people who are angry, deceitful, intent only on satisfying their own needs. There is so much anger, distrust, greed, and pettiness that we are losing our capacity to work well together. We need much less than we think we need. I laugh whenever I see people buy 3 brand new cars in a year without disposing the previous ones. It is just wastage and ‘ojukokoro’ is the cause

It baffles me when I see men of 75years old with this 'ojukokoro' syndrome...they want to acquire this, they want to acquire that and when you ask them they say 'I'm investing for my children, I don't want my unborn grand children to suffer'.....Haaaa!, imagine that kind of statement. The truth is that whether you stress yourself acquiring wealth for the next 3 generation or not, the children and unborn grand children will still live their lives.

There is no end of craving. Hence contentment alone is the best way to happiness. Therefore, acquire contentment. We often say that 'If we had a little more, we should be very satisfied.' But the truth is that If we are not content with what you have, we would not be satisfied if it were doubled. Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough

Follow @delefancy411

GETTING MARRIED IN MY COUNTRY

                                     

                                                 

Tins are not d same as b4…b4b4 ‘d patient dog eats d fattest bone’. But these dayz ‘d patient dog is left wit no bone’ (everyone seems to be ‘hyper’ these dayz, No dullin).

I feel happiness in my mind when I see young boyz of 20, 22 or 24 getting married (mostly oyinbo people sha). 2day 4 naija, if a guy gets married at 30, he is a ‘luckyman’, na all hin friends go dey envy am…we just make life unnecessarily hard for ourselves 4 dis zones…without a loan u cant do a wedding in Naija…Ahn ahn…see as d list long sef:
1. introduction
2. tradiational wedding
3. white wedding
4. registry
5. reception
6. Thanksgivin
7. Honeymoon

how poorman wan take do weddin sef? E bad sotay even rich ppl no dey fit afford honeymoon afta spending so much on series of unnecessary ceremonies. Today, lotsa naija men wanna settle down but are discouraged by d rigour of weddin ceremonies in dis zones.

I laff weneva I hear people complain dat their friends got married without informin dem (no IV, no fone calls, no txt msg, no nothing). But me I don’t complain cos I undastand d whole ish (omo boi dey try cut hin numerous cost noni)…

Me I no blame Chukwuma wey neva marry at 42yrs of age o. he take hin money do bizness and today he’s a multi-millionaire…but at d same time late marriage no mk sense sha…

Abeg, if u be girl/lady/woman help us beg una parents mk dem mk life easy for we bachelors o. D street is not easy. Ego/Kudi/Owo no dey easy 2 come by these dayz o. life no easy as he be for 1964 again o. Today, just a piece of ‘Titus Sardine’ goes for #250. now I wish I was born durin Daddy’s time atleast tins were lot easier then

Delefancylyrics2012

SEXUAL ABUSE.....

Here is My Story! I was abused as a child, got rejected after years in higher institution and went through several stages of depression. I'm gradually getting better and hoping for better days. I'm telling you this story to reach out to those who had been abused or going through one abusive situation or the other; please speak up and seek help. You are not broken.

*******

I've always been that extroverted child, the vocal one whom nothing could 'befall' till abuse came.

As a six/seven year old I didn't know what it was but as I grew up, I understood more about what had happened. What our houseboy and family friends did to me was very wrong.

I began to remember those 'events' in flashes and patches. I'll push them away most times, but after twelve years I spoke out for the first time. All I managed to say was "I was abused as a child"; it happened in the church at a workers' vigil.

A dam broke that night.

I wept so hard! I felt ashamed that I'd been stripped of my 'shield' and dignity. I thought every one knew my 'secret' now and I would become a laughing stock amongst members. From that night onward, I became more aware of what happened and learned to deal with it. Then began the 'fight' to deal with 'it'; my abusers live right opposite my house, I've seen them everyday of my life since then!

I couldn't muster the courage to tell my folks; I knew blood would flow, I was scared. The next battle was to stop seeing myself as an object of pleasure, its has been a constant battle and I'm winning it but I needed a 'weapon', so I choose hate. I hated men, house-boys, and male family friends; as long as you're male, I see you as an enemy. I was losing myself! My folks tagged me "sadist", there was no explanation for the erratic mood swings or the sudden need to be alone in reclusion.

I'd inflicted wounds on myself, I couldn't build relationships - erratic at them. I had lost trust for everyone and if I eventually trusted a person, it was the unhealthy kind because of my extrovert nature. It was hard to know but I had dark days.

I had contemplated suicide; even attempted it!

I met Christ while at the university. Life became better! I was progressing; I read books on child abuse and I read other people's stories too. It looked like life was finally getting better, then another tragedy struck.

 Two days to my final exams I got a call to report to the Administration office; on getting there, I was told there was a problem with my registration. The man said: "you're not a student! you've been using a fake matric number" all these while. At first I thought there must have been a mix up, could be there was a mistake, but it turned out that it wasn't a mistake.

It felt like a bad dream, it took the next 24 hours for the news to sink in. I saw all kinds of black, I moved like a robot, I wanted to die. It took me fifteen months to tell my mum. Those days were the darkest hours of my life, I craved death at every opportunity. I would forget to eat, comb my hair or even take care of my health.

I stopped living, I lost so much weight that I became stick thin.

There were moments of complete darkness! There was a blanket that descended on my soul. There was complete numbness, sometimes I would forget where I was. I felt worthless. I harboured guilt and hopelessness towards myself. I was hurt, depressed and felt abandonded. I thought maybe God hated me and He was 'punishing' me for an "unknown sin".

Why only me?

I'm a 'good' girl - that, I'm very sure of. I'm a believer too. why would He let all these things happen to me? I went everywhere for help, I had to get back to school. I went to the governor's office, commissioners and permanent secretaries offices. I was desperate! I met men who saw my desperation and banked on it, they wanted the 'cookie' before they would help. it was tough! After two years of running from pillar to post, I gave up and started over again. Seven years down the drain just like that and there was nothing I could do.

I had to come to terms with what had happened.

I remember telling my parent that I needed to see a psychiatrist and she went "Olohun maje!". I'd been writing before then but it became more frequent, I found solace in writing; I'd write and weep! The dark days are still there that blanket descend on my soul..... I still see my abusers anytime I'm home, a lot of times I feel nothing and I wonder how many more little girls they've broken. I don't know if I'll ever confront them. Everyday is new and I always choose to live. I don't know if I'll ever be able to visit my old school (tried it once, not a good move) or tell my folks about the abuse.

But today, I stand tall and I'm grateful for everything I went through and how I've been able to stay the course. I understand now that its okay to cry, its okay to be weak.

I'm a victor!

I'm a survivor!


Omowonuola Maja
I'm @OmowonuolaMaja on Twitter

WWW SERIES (ATTENTION)

Sabbatical Leave it was.....

   Been Long you heard from me. Now let's set the record straight. Happy New Year and God bless you as you read. First of all, I would need your audience to bring to your knowledge something I noticed in women and I quote “Women are Interested, Even when they seem not, sometimes they need more effort from us Guys".

   I want to talk about ATTENTION and I won't mince words but go straight to the point like Eniola will say. Permit me guys to say this; some of us are not Smart, Intelligent and Sensitive. Do you realize that even if a Lady is hard to get and doesn't want to bulge, yet she's communicating with you! Then that's the opening you need. Some guys would be like "she's hard to get”,"she's iron lady", "she's too harsh", etc. Do you know that if she didn't like you at all, you won't get her attention? So what else do you need? Permit me to ask 'Are you a learner'? Sometimes I know guys will say she has a Boyfriend...Hahahaha I am laughing in spanish. Which girl doesn't have a boyfriend? 99.9% of girls have boyfriends including the ones that don't have and lay claims that they have. Am not going to lecture you on that, Even if a girl has a Boyfriend and they have been dating for 10 years, yet the Boyfriend doesn't give her attention and you can give her? Cheer up dude you just got lucky. If you were wise and you have a girl in mind that has a Boyfriend? You will go for her. Do you know why? It will bring out the best in you! Don't be disappointed at the end of the day if you don't get her .You have already Registered your presence in her life or perhaps you didn't put that extra effort.

  Women want better things like wise Men. They want to upgrade their Shoes,Bags,Clothes,Make ups,Cars etc. They also want their Man to upgrade themselves. But we don't upgrade at all. Am talking about our Attitude& Mentality towards women. When we get the girl we relax like one who just conquered an Empire. Alas, that’s when the work starts, you have to work harder to keep her, Hence a Bad Sharp Guy comes around her and its End of Discussion for you. The women also have a role to play because Economic conditions have a psychological effect on the men. It might make them loose touch

Unknowingly. Communicate your feelings to them and choose a good and nice atmosphere to do that. watch his mood, I didn't say you should shout and disrespect him. The bottom line is that we need to keep learning. Let's UN-learn to learn some more.

 Truth is Social Media has its disadvantages one of which is lack of SMS and CALLS. Oops I spilled it ...guys sorry but that's the truth...Am also Guilty on this matter and am Learning to change. We only ping nowadays. Am not saying you shouldn't ping but go the extra mile for her, Call & send Sms. Pay ATTENTION to her, her body language, her Expression, her Voice Tone, Her emotions...the list is Endless I know Guys..No be Small thing. Be patient and Endure..... To be Contd

N.B kindly drop your comments and Suggestions or Topics. It shall be addressed.