Quite a number of people tell me "you are a different man"; well I am glad I am. I have this orientation that prefers the ideology that you should start preparing yourself Mentally, Financially, Psychologically and Emotionally before marriage; my opinion is that you don't start studying for an exam on the day of the examination, that's why counselling, courting and reading of books is recommended for intending couples.
Marriage is sacred. It ought to be sacred at least. Like my father will say whenever he's privileged to give speech on marriage during weddings ceremonies. "Marriage is a parcel, until you open it, you don't know. Whatever you see, is what you get and it can't be returned " I have this feeling that he's indirectly saying, no room for divorce you accept what you accept and this is more reason why I believe you should have an understanding of the institution before accepting the admission letter of marriage.
I have heard and seen much about the natural power tussle that ensue between the mother in-law (the groom's mother) and the wife in most marriages even before it starts, it is somehow a battle of two women that are in love with the same MAN and are either seeking prominence or relevance. Sometimes the mother in-laws acts out of genuine but selfish desire, she goes to the length of advising her son to make sure she can conceive before putting a ring on it because, she wants certainty of grandchildren, especially if he's the only son. Others are worried about sanctity and they advise their sons to bring home a virgin and get her in the family's way for fear that the woman might have aborted, but some women marry as virgins and don't conceive on time. I have heard of marriages that took a decade to bear fruit yet the woman married as a virgin . Marriage like I describe is an institution, yes like a university, you just have to shoulder it like a boss and go past the hurdles whether you like it or not. I'm yet to see any perfect marriage, so ladies and gents, let me burst the bubble of my opinion on it. A perfect he/she does not exist, you can't find a perfect lady or Guy.
Back to the matter, yes! Pre-marital sex and pregnancy before marriage as a continuum. You see, it is criminal to pretend these things don't happen, it is even more common in the church than on the street and we can only pretend. Now there are many sides to a coin, not two this time around.
Spiritually and morally, we were taught it's wrong to catch the ball before catching the ring, but socialism and westernization has crept in and become part of our life, and it has made so many things seem normal. Depending on the angle you take it from, it might be right or wrong, but I'm not here to preach or deliver a Sermon . After all, "nobody holy pass" like 2face says . A few questions from me to you, maybe it will clear the air better on this discuss.
What if you get her pregnant and you decide not to marry her again? What if she's pregnant and you are forced to marry someone you don't see yourself settling with? What if you get her pregnant, you are force to marry her and then, she miscarried the baby? What if there are complications during child birth which affects her womb and she can't have another? What if she has a still-birth? Anything could go right or wrong, so many instances running through my head right now which could occur in the aftermath. We've heard of couples who even used pregnancy to have their way with their parents, only to find out that there are so many things beyond their idea of love and Marriage but are forced to accept their decision and union. Let's agree there are mistakes, but as for me, I think it is not totally wrong taking into consideration at times, my opinion however not an endorsement for immorality.
It's indeed a sensitive issue; it should be a choice that should be between couples involved and not an issue for national or religious debate. I am an apostle of "let me know your past", even if you have had several abortions it doesn't end eternity, LOVE still does exist or doesn't it? It is the decision of a man and a woman to marry each other and the conditions therein should be between the two. Marriage is for better for worse, not for worse for flee.
It seems simple because I am not in any of the shoes presented right? But then, you would have an idea of what you want your marriage to be like, even if it's not a total eclipse of what it should be. I have an Idea of what I want my marriage to be. This is where I stand, your stand might be different so I will be glad if you can let me know how you feel about this.
Written by Princeyemimike
Editor - Abidemi Oderinlo
