You broke up and you're sad but was it really love?
"Let’s break up" – the three taboo words came out from the mouth of your beloved partner, cold like ice, and emotionless like a killer. His voice pierced through your ears and stayed in your mind. Your body and soul were clotted in yesterday, when you were still snuggling, calling each other babe, picturing the blissful future you two would have. You couldn't believe the two of you have broken up. He didn’t even give you time to mentally prepare for it. Yes, it is the cruelest thing on Earth. But we've all been there. Read on for five reasons you will survive the heartbreak and prosper in the long term.
1. Face The Fact – You’re fooled by the illusion of “LOVE”
You think you 'love' him because he gives you the spark with all the cheesy sweet words and good SEX, which makes you feel you're the happiest woman on Earth. You think you 'love' her because she always supports you and stands by your side, making you feel you're the greatest man? Think twice about that.Do you love the person, or just the things he/she did for you? 94% of the immediate breakups happen in relationships of three to five months. Not too short, but isn't it's not long either. With this period of time, you can probably only get to the first two stages of a "True Love" — Lust and Attraction. It’s not lengthy enough to tell whether you have the element of Attachment.
You think you 'love' him because he gives you the spark with all the cheesy sweet words and good SEX, which makes you feel you're the happiest woman on Earth. You think you 'love' her because she always supports you and stands by your side, making you feel you're the greatest man? Think twice about that.Do you love the person, or just the things he/she did for you? 94% of the immediate breakups happen in relationships of three to five months. Not too short, but isn't it's not long either. With this period of time, you can probably only get to the first two stages of a "True Love" — Lust and Attraction. It’s not lengthy enough to tell whether you have the element of Attachment.
It's not a sin to love but be mindful — don't drown yourself in the trap of the "LOVE" illusion and fall for an irrelevant person. You won't want to see yourself at this state 3 years later, or even less.
2. It’s All About Opportunity Cost
Let's be more realistic. According to the latest census in 2006, there are 70.6 million unmarried NIGERIANS aged above 18, among them 43% are residents. Given the sex ratio is 0.88:1 (male to female), there're approximately 34.5 million guys (and girls too!) out in the marketplace! Crossing out those in a relationship, with low incomes, not-so-handsome, too skinny and playboys, you still have 0.1 million choices. (That's 100,000!) There goes a saying "Don’t give up the whole forest for a little sprout." Take it as the golden rule.
Let's be more realistic. According to the latest census in 2006, there are 70.6 million unmarried NIGERIANS aged above 18, among them 43% are residents. Given the sex ratio is 0.88:1 (male to female), there're approximately 34.5 million guys (and girls too!) out in the marketplace! Crossing out those in a relationship, with low incomes, not-so-handsome, too skinny and playboys, you still have 0.1 million choices. (That's 100,000!) There goes a saying "Don’t give up the whole forest for a little sprout." Take it as the golden rule.
3. Stop Thinking About It - It's Not Your Fault
It's nobody’s fault. It's a cliché, but we all ignore it. Sometimes we are all acting like primary school students who aren't able to get full score on a paper, anxiously searching for the big red circles and correct the errors. Take relationship as a researcher, not an examiner. We are not supposed to find the model answer for a relationship, but explore ourselves through it, and gradually find the best match for a lifetime. So stop blaming yourself for all the stupid reasons like calling too much or being too controlling — A person truly loves you won't mind, not to mention you don’t have to do this if you feel secure.
It's nobody’s fault. It's a cliché, but we all ignore it. Sometimes we are all acting like primary school students who aren't able to get full score on a paper, anxiously searching for the big red circles and correct the errors. Take relationship as a researcher, not an examiner. We are not supposed to find the model answer for a relationship, but explore ourselves through it, and gradually find the best match for a lifetime. So stop blaming yourself for all the stupid reasons like calling too much or being too controlling — A person truly loves you won't mind, not to mention you don’t have to do this if you feel secure.
4. Avoid Meeting And Texting Your Ex
We are all sentimental creatures, especially after an immediate break up when the spark at our side has not vanished. The worst part is we will still feel like "loving him/her" and try to patch things up. Don’t do that — it is the biggest block in your way to move on. Save your self-ego. Don't try to test your ability in dealing with ex and embarrassing yourself. it happened to me once and guess what? we broke up again and i went from bad to worse.
We are all sentimental creatures, especially after an immediate break up when the spark at our side has not vanished. The worst part is we will still feel like "loving him/her" and try to patch things up. Don’t do that — it is the biggest block in your way to move on. Save your self-ego. Don't try to test your ability in dealing with ex and embarrassing yourself. it happened to me once and guess what? we broke up again and i went from bad to worse.
5. Trust Me — You Are Beautiful
Doubting yourself after a breakup is unwise. Think of what your exes told you when you first met? Did he say you have the sweetest smile? Did she say your deep eyes are charming? They weren't blindfolded or forced to say so! There must be something special about you to attract their attention. You break up simply because the spark is gone and he/she isn't the right one for you. Dear, get yourself a mirror and write down what you find beautiful in yourself. Stick it onto your wall right away. Be strong, confident and independent. You deserve a better life!
Doubting yourself after a breakup is unwise. Think of what your exes told you when you first met? Did he say you have the sweetest smile? Did she say your deep eyes are charming? They weren't blindfolded or forced to say so! There must be something special about you to attract their attention. You break up simply because the spark is gone and he/she isn't the right one for you. Dear, get yourself a mirror and write down what you find beautiful in yourself. Stick it onto your wall right away. Be strong, confident and independent. You deserve a better life!
Remember, the relationship is now a past tense. The effort you've put in is vanished; the promises you've made are with no value but the memories of a relationship are priceless. Let your past make you better but not bitter. You're looking back the other way and believe me, most often you're looking back. Schedule your consultation when you're ready. Who knows what's up ahead, maybe am your next Spouse!*WINKS*
N.B - This is not for everyone, some people would never listen
9 comments:
In addition to #4, here is my two cents: You need to start DEMONIZING this ex of yours. Begin to see him/her as a bad person. Do not focus on the good times you shared. Begin to look at them in a bad light. Whenever you think of him/her, always focus on the bad part of them. Slowly and with time, you will get over the break up. I had a babe when I was in school then who had my "mumu button" on the palm of her hands. I was an upstart in the game then and very inexperienced. On the contrary, she was very street-smart and a tough cookie. She would lie to me that she was going to read only for her to go hangout with dudes. Whenever I confronted her, she would fly into a rage and the "Ode" that I was then, I would be the one to apologize. Anyway, needless to say, she eventually dumped me. Way back then, it seemed as if I was going to die from the heartbreak because I was so besotted wit this girl. How did I deal with it ? Well, this chick had one problem that stuck out like a sore thumb. Her written and spoken English was very poor. She used to let fly loads of "Gbagaun" when she spoke. That was what I latched unto. Whenever I thought of her then, I would go " mcheww ! Yeye babe wey no even sabi speak English sef". I told myself I deserved better and in time, I was over her. This strategy worked for me.
Collin darling you really don't have to think of the bad..yemi dis is awesome..As for me oooo, all I do is pray and hold unto God and guess what I always take a good one day cry after which I move on.. This article has touched me cause I always felt it was my fault and I wasn't good enuf for any1 dat left..but now am holding unto "if he is stupid enuf to walk out am gonna be smart enough to let him go"
This is great and I doubt if any1 would not listen to this smart words..
The truth is sometimes it could be ur fault: u have to work on urself and become a better you.
Imagine you have 3break ups within 1 year and all said similar things such as ure gummy, too emotional, not strong, u have no composure: would u deceive urself by saying itsnt ur fault?
The answer is No, you shouldn't but instead you adjust and work on your character and self.. One thing is certain it makes u better and stronger.. Nice one yemi
We all over come break through various ways as for me, if sme1 shud break up with I just tell myself he wasn't meant for me. Whoever is meant for me will stay n we'll work out our differences. Nyc one yemi
I like. Something else I've learnt is to take time out before getting into another relationship.
@ Anonymous1,don't tell me you've been on the wrong end of more than a few break-ups. I bet you've broken quite a few hearts yourself *wink*. I wonder how they coped. Lol, I digress. Seriously, I haven't been in too many emotionally wrenching romances. Just that one time. It was a much older fella that recommended the remedy that I posted earlier. It worked for me and I always recommend it to people. Thinking about the good times I had with an ex would leave me mired in the pain.
@anonymous4, at times having a rebound chick after a bad relationship works for guys. Don't know about girls though because we aren't wired the same way.
@ Anonymous1,don't tell me you've been on the wrong end of more than a few break-ups. I bet you've broken quite a few hearts yourself *wink*. I wonder how they coped. Lol, I digress. Seriously, I haven't been in too many emotionally wrenching romances. Just that one time. It was a much older fella that recommended the remedy that I posted earlier. It worked for me and I always recommend it to people. Thinking about the good times I had with an ex would leave me mired in the pain.
@anonymous4, at times having a rebound chick after a bad relationship works for guys. Don't know about girls though because we aren't wired the same way.
Tnx 4 talkin abt dis artbreak tin, its usually a difficult time 4 any1 goin 2ru it bt we all can alwaz overcome it, its jst a matter of time. Weldone Adeyemi......
Great piece my friend. Very impressive. The sky is your limit yemi. Good one
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