'Getting Married in my Country' A STATE OF EMERGENCY.

"Next year , I would love to marry , so before then I want to thoroughly party." That's a line in one of 2face's song. Maybe next year , I would say next year again, till you never can tell till all the next years will or might sum up to 4 or 5 years. Why? It is because of the marriage Issues in my country Nigeria. Truly, we are shaped by Culture&Tradition. It affects the way we live and think. After all, I remember Culture is a way of life as defined in primary school. Previously, there was an article on this blog on this same topic. Though, it was short, comical and not elaborate , there was a glimpse of what we were to expect during weddings. It was tagged " Getting Married in My Country". I remember I promised a follow up on it. Before then, let me state here as we journey in this piece that, I am an avid believer in marriage as an institution not just the wedding.

Recently, I headed to the barber shop with my clipper to get a nice clean cut. As expected, I met people on ground. Fortunately, a friend of mine happened to be having his hair cut too, since we both stayed in the same neighborhood, he decided to chill a bit for me to get done. He asked me about the 'I am Adam' series, when the next one will be out. He talked about how he enjoyed the story, its twists, turns, suspense and the fact that I merged the present and the past of the story on the blog. He also said he's an avid visitor on the blog and some times he could quickly read while on his way to work or on his way back. He also gave me some useful tips which I really appreciate he did. Should in case he's reading this. I replied that "I am Adam"is coming soon but the next post I was working on is "Getting Married In My Country". As soon as I made the statement, All hell was let loose....Trust the Male Species.

Igbo Kwenu! Kwenu!! Kwesenu!!!. I hope I got that right? Before I move further, I am not tribalistic. In fact, majority of my friends are not Yorubas.... So I do not intend to start a tribal war. One dude among us said, 'Marrying in Igbo land is expensive generally'. He also noted that IMO state is the most expensive especially Mbise and Owerri. Mind you, his name is Eze and he is from Mbise! I sighed and exclaimed Ehen.... at the same time. Rumours have it that Anambra is also on the high side and they even find it hard marrying outside Anambra. It is said that if the lady is Ada I.e The first Daughter, either Adanma, Adaeze or any other Ada , you will pay through your nose. It is said you might buy for the whole family gifts, food and cash items even up to the extended family, if not the whole village. Am getting scared already. I love Igbo people, their Language and their Garri and soup. Though I have never dated and Igbo girl but I would not mind dating one either. But these stories are disturbing. What if Age is not on our side? What if she truly loves me and wants to settle with me? What if I am not that buoyant? What if I cannot afford the roll call of wedding items? Does that mean I won't get married? I think that explains why some or most of the igbo guys get married very late in life. They will always want to make it before settling down. By the time they are ready, they just pick any lady and marry, not because they love her. Infact, the one they love is already married. This, perhaps explains one of the vital reasons why some marriages don't last.

Aside from the flogging in fulani, I do not really know much about their marriage customs. But I do know in Yoruba Land that they do return Bride price indicating that their daughter is not for sale. Even in most cases, The families of the couple are the ones who sponsor the wedding. They are actively involved in everything till they turn their children's wedding to their own CARNIVAL. With different types of Aso-ebi and Gele. Sometimes if you don't wear Ankara at such parties, you are denied the freebies of such parties. It could be a reason why An average Yoruba Man is married latest by 30 - 35 years. Though, there are exceptional cases. Just like my mother has given me an ULTIMATUM. Yemi you should get married before or on your 30th birthday. I want to carry your child by that time. No be small Thing Oh! E be like say I don get Deadline.

The other dude who happened to be an Edo boy said that wedding was cheap in their area . He said also, that anytime he approached a lady and she was igbo, he quickly withdrew . You could tell he was reacting to what he might have heard. I attended a wedding sometime ago where, the father of the bride gave out two younger ones of the bride to the bridegroom and proclaimed that they were now his responsibility. What type of Culture or Tradition is that? No wonder the man had 9 children, 7 of which were females. Money making ventures if you ask me. At first, did the man marry the lady to cater for the generation unborn? It took the intervention of the Groom's father before they settled for one. The groom's father had insisted that if it was not one, the wedding would not continue. There and then, there was an agreement all in the name of wedding.

There was also a case where the bride's Parents are Educated infact, they are professors in their respective fields and are not poor according to Nigerian standard. But when they realized, that the Groom's father a Commissioner of police and a top shot in the country . They decided to milk him. The list was outrageous .part of which I saw with my eyes was 12 pairs of Italian shoes for the men in the house, 15 pairs of italian shoes and bags for the women in the household including the mother of the bride. I mean, are we Italians? Why request for Italian shoes when we have our home made shoes, not to mention 12 or 15 pairs of foreign wares. For what? Was this necessary or reasonable? Yet the daughter could not caution her parents. Is that Love? Could that be Love? Are they really in Love? Let's set love aside and use our brains for once.

That aside, I want to ask a vital Question; Which is more Important, The wedding or the Marriage? A man once said " The Number of years you will stay married is more than the number of Single Years". So why the Rush? Then if we are to argue that some of these things are a part of our culture & traditions, I want to submit that such culture can be looked into again, as they were not made for this century, nor this generation. This reminds me of Sociology, there is a topic that states that culture evolves and it is dynamic. If we tend to copy the bad aspect of culture from the Americans, can't we copy the good ones too? (The simplicity of their marriages). I hope I get a woman who understands that its not how elaborate the wedding is, but its our marriage that is the main focal point! Let me state personally here that, if any father-inlaw gives me unnecessary and unreasonable list , he should be ready to marry his daughter or he should look else where. Haba !!! The daughters too should step up and caution their parents. They should be realistic, help cut the coats according to their sizes. We already have so many single women who ought to be married and it keeps increasing yearly, if things continue this way, we're in for a declaration of a STATE OF EMERGENCY IN THE MARRIAGE SECTOR. Don't ask me who'll be declaring, but you can be sure it'll be well supported. hmmmmn (deep sigh).............I rest my case.

N.B - thanks to all that contributed during this discussion. Please drop your comments .